The Red Flame Speed Boat

I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Almost daily.

Three weeks ago I wrote my first love letter to you and it felt so good.

Until my head got in the way.

It goes something like this…the next letter must be amazing, I have so much to tell her, what’s the best story? Enter my inner critic team of bitches. Me: Shut up bitches. Oh, I could tell her about the time that! Cue: bitches start sniggering and whisphering.

Are you with me? I believe you may be. It’s common to make a bold step forward and then stumble on the second step. I take solace in knowing I am not alone in the overthinkers camp.

My mind did not inspire what I will share with you now. It was a few inches lower, and lower again. It was all heart and belly flip.

It’s a Saturday out at sea, but not any ol’ Saturday, it’s Great Race Day. Every August the Great Race graces the Caribbean Sea between Trinidad and Tobago (Did I tell you I live in Tobago? Now that’s a great story for another time.) Fast fancy speed boats race from the big island, Trinidad, to the little island, Tobago. Every year we take our boat to where the finishing line can be seen and meet the other boats all lined up at sea to see the race. It is always a great (pun intended) day. It’s my husband’s favorite day of the year. He dreams of owning one of the fancy fast boats one day.

There is something not so great about the day. I feel it every year. It is the club of the “I have it!” vs the bigger gang of the “I don’t have it”. The expensive boats belong to the few who can afford fancy playthings, and mostly they are not the local islanders. This disturbs me deep down and it fuels my desire to be the people who transform from the fishing boat viewing line to the “in the race” people. I want this for my husband and for us. We have big dreams and most days I need to quieten the voice that tells me my dreams are too big. One day is often the mantra singing on a loop.

This year I see a new boat racing. She (to me she is all lady!), is red with yellow highlights, sleek, super snazzy, and painted with roaring flames down her sides. She, Ms Flames (my name for her) is freaking beautiful. She wins my vote for best-looking boat of the day. I admire her from a distance and watch her glide over the water. I wonder what it would feel like to be inside her. I tell everyone who would listen that I think she is the winner. She doesn’t win the race but she has won me.

Hours later the race is over but the ocean boat party is in swing. Boats bob on the water and drinks are passed from boat to boat. People climb into their friends’ boats to dance to a new groove as loud music is pulsing from more than one boat. It’s fun and fabulous. We are at my favorite spot, Nylon Pool, a sandbank off the coral reef that creates a dancefloor in the middle of the ocean. (Yes, it is as good as it sounds). My mind relaxes, my body sighs open, and my heart begins to play with possibilities. I realize I have been tense and trying too hard. I told myself to relax and let go. I remind myself that the building blocks of big dreams are made in the ordinary and the extraordinary days. Breathe Deb, breathe and be.

In the not-too-far distance, I see her in her full flame glory. Ms. Flames is no longer racing, she is cruising. As she gets closer I see that one of the seats is empty. I declare, “OOOOH, I’d LOVE a ride in her!” And then, without missing the beat my husband says, “You can. I know the guys who own that boat.”

I allow myself to believe it for a moment before my mind tells me not to get too excited, as it is not promised, it may not work out, and I may not get what I want. I let the desire slip into the water. A little part of me held on to the desire, but if I am being honest with you, the bigger part of me let it slip. After all, we are not in the ‘I have it’ club (yet).

At almost sunset, we cruise across the sea to drop off our friends at their spot on the shore when Ms. Flames slinks up beside us. My husband starts waving his hands to call the boat over. She glides closer and I see two smiling faces and her flames. Oh my, she is a beauty. My husband tells them very dramatically that his wife has decided that their boat is the best-looking boat of the day and in my eyes the winner. The smiles get wider, theirs and mine. He then asked if I could get a ride. The two smiles move into action, one guy grabs a life jacket and the other crawls out of his seat to make space for me.

This is happening! I feel my belly flip and my heart race. I am strapped into the jacket and then supported to climb out of our boat and into her, my crush of the day. I turn to the smiling driver and say “Hi, my name is Deb.” He says, “I know, I know you.” His response feels like he sees me as a woman with big dreams. It feels like he is speaking as a channel of divine affirmation that me and my dreams are seen. The last thing I hear is my husband say, “Hold on baby.”

The engine is revved up and we take off. I squeal in delight.

Within seconds we have picked up speed and the nose of the boat heads out to the deep sea and into the shining light of the setting sun. It is very Hollywood movie scene magic and I am the heroine. My face is blown open by the wind, my lips are peeled back and my mouth is bone dry from the intense wind. I am sure I look nothing like a movie star as I am grinning so broadly that my face hurts and my mouth is so dry I can barely swallow. And I don’t care as it feels so freaking fabulous. It is happening! The dream of the day is coming true, right now.

The speed becomes the rhythm and I settle in for the ride towards the sun.

A new mantra begins to sing.

“My dreams are coming true. It is happening and it is fast. I am speeding towards my desire and it is not only fun, it is possible. There is nothing in my way. Thank you divine universe for showing me how fast and free it can be.” I continue to speak directly to the sun and the sky and the sea and me. It is happening, and I do not have to wait, it can be my today. I am in a club of my own making, I have IT, and I am HER.

I feel different after my fast ride into the sun. It has been two weeks and I have moved fast towards dream making. And, I have been aware of all the noise and doubt I put in my way. I almost talked myself out of a dream coming true. I did that. The option was offered and I chose not to grab on with both hands. I let one hand slip just in case it didn’t come true. I know this is not the first time I have done this, and I know I wish it to be the last.

My friend, this where I could begin to lament and lecture on desire, manifestation and all that jazz about how our mind is the magnet and our thoughts create our reality. I’m not going to do that. You know all of this. So, lets not waste time with another line of do it this way and then you get the magic. No. I say let’s all agree that we are freaking magical and what we want is happening NOW. The biggest assett you have is YOU, so take your two hands and raise them up and declare, I am HER, the woman who is making the magic happen. And next time you see what you want, take it.

Your fast ride into the sunset is one yes please away.

Big Love,

Deb D

P.S. See the Smiles! And, take a moment to notice the boat I had to climb out of to get into my crush. I am so glad I didn’t flop into the sea. That would have been a different story indeed.