I am sitting in a Zoom room with amazing humans all working on building their dreams. We are tuned into our weekly open coaching session with our business coach.
Questions are thrown about, and answers land. And then it’s my turn.
I unmute and state the question that has been lingering with me for a while, yet has never been expressed. Without realizing it was about to fly, it flew out of my mouth.
“AM I PLAYING THE GAME I WANT TO WIN?”
As the words left my mouth I felt the truth land on my chest. It felt heavy as I knew the answer was NO, and a little bit of YES. The heaviness was not found in the NO, it swirled in the unknown.
If it’s a bit of No and a bit of Yes, where is the full body YES?
And a new game begins.
As a magic weaver, I know that seeking answers is not always the way to the answer. Why? Because when we seek to KNOW we limit the possibilities. We sprint towards the known so we feel safe (it’s a human thing). We want to arrive somewhere that feels secure, we want to be figured out.
What does our spirit want?
Our spirit is not interested in a sprint, rather than rush, our spirit is seeking co-creation. When we enter the magical playground we are saying yes to not only our spirit but to all the possibilities within the universe (yep, the playground is that big!). When we enter the magical playground we are asked to leave control, shoulds, and limitations at the gate.
So, I enter the playground and begin playing a new game.
The game I chose to play is the extended swing and slippery slide of staying in the question.
I began to ask myself, “What game do I not only want to win but how do I want to play?”
The first thing I found was the layer of shoulds.
Once I stopped to examine the play it was clear what sat easily in the ‘should’ category. I should build this, I should promote that, and I should be earning this amount by now. Ugh, the shoulds are so sticky and in truth, not inspiring at all.
I shed the should. This left me feeling a little freer, and quite naked. I was exposed now. There was no shiny should layer keeping me a reach away from my desire.
The next move in the playground was curiosity.
I decided to give myself time to be with the wondering, the exploration, and the imagining, with no pressure to produce or decide anything. My curiosity propelled me into freefall. I was flying and falling all at once and had no way of knowing where I would land. That was the point, to allow the fall. What fell away was the layer deeper than the shoulds, it was the expectations and my fears.
I not only expect a lot of myself, I fear what will happen if I meet all those expectations. It’s a double whammy reach and fall on the monkey bars. The expectations were easy to digest, I knew how they were created and why. The fears…well, I am still reaching and falling.
This is where I have landed.
I believe I was playing the game I thought I should be playing because I feared winning the game I actually wanted to win. I completely understand how backward-in-believing that sounds, but stay with me on this one and you may find you do the same thing.
The game I want to win is BIG. To win it means I need to step up in a big way. And, it means some things will need to change. To play the game I wish to win means that I claim my gifts, unwrap them, and share them. It means no longer seeking or waiting until x,y, or z happens, it means doing the thing.
How do you win a BIG game – the game you wish to win?
First, get clear and commit to co-creation. Make space for the magic and stretch. Then prepare by acknowledging the fear that comes with big dreams. And then, with faith and fear, step onto the field as a player and you do your darn best.
The game I am playing…I am a writer and a witch and book number two and my first oracle deck are calling me onto the field.
Let the play begin.
What game are you playing?