Spirit will Never SHOULD You.

I have a direct open line on the cosmic telephone line.

I am clearly connected to my intuition. I can hear spirit, in fact, it’s the magic inside all of my success. It’s what helped me shift from my big life loss to my big life magic.

I can hear spirit, but it doesn’t always mean I’m listening.

As I begin 2023 I declare crunch time in my business. Big Life Magic is going well and the vision is bigger now. My husband and I have just pulled off our first successful retreat in Tobago. This has been a dream of ours for years.  On the bliss rays and in the afterglow of the retreat we can see it clearly.  

THE DREAM! We’re going to build a retreat center here on the island of Tobago. 

And here comes the twist in the plot… we are going to need some serious bankroll to build this dream.

All upon a sudden, the dream is slicked over with a layer of tension.

So I click into overdrive and high gear and declare, “OK, let’s build this thing. Time to upscale the business.”

Spirit Whispers “Oh, I’ve got an idea”

I don’t listen to that because the should generated from the tension is screaming in the corner, and getting louder. I follow the should.

You should develop a high-ticket offer.

You should double down on your thought leadership in grief transformation. 

You should do what all those successful people are doing, like fancy email sequencing and posting over social media all the time.

So, I begin my should shuffle.

I should my way into investing my time and money into the development of me as a thought leader as a grief guide and develop my new high ticket offer. I convince myself that this is the way. After all, it is what others have done. 

As I’m so doing this it starts to feel heavier and harder. It’s feeling a bit like I am stomping through a swamp of shoulds.

I hear Spirit again, it shares, “I don’t think this is the way.”

My sweaty stressed response is, “Shut up Spirit. Success is this way and I should be feeling this way as success is hard and you just have to work hard at it.”

And I do. I work very hard. I double down on all I know about grief transformation. I am convinced this is the key to unlocking my high-ticket success. I think it is, yet it doesn’t feel like success. Not yet.

The day comes. The new high ticket offer lead generation workshop. I open the Zoom room and all these people flood in. All the people I’ve worked really hard to invite. The workshop is successful, there’s high engagement, and at the end, a very clear call to action for people to opt-in for my new offer. 

I close the Zoom room I feel shouldly successful, and then I will wait. It is silent

I am waiting for that beautiful payment ding notification on my phone telling me that people are giving me the dollars upon dollars my should told me I should be expecting. 

And it’s silent. Day after day it’s silent.

In the quiet spirit whispers, “I tried to tell you so.”

The following week I’m in New York City.  I’m teaching some workshops and working with my magic community. I feel free and despite my desire for the dollars I also feel relieved. I should feel sad or mad, but I am not. I realize that the ‘high ticket offer’ was going to come at a high price for me, as the swamp and heavy feelings were set to get worse, not better. I am so relieved that no one chose to purchase, I am free. I wonder if I wish to be free from my work with grief. It makes no sense as this is the work I have been developing for years, it’s what I speak about, it’s the content in my book. Isn’t this where my success should be?  

I hear spirit murmur of other ways, yet I can’t fully tune in as the should screaming has hurt my ears.

I wonder, what will I do now?

I am gifted the opportunity to stay at my friend’s fancy Manhattan apartment. She lives on the 34th floor in the financial district. I am literally up high looking out over buildings of abundance in Manhattan. From the higher perspective, I tune in…this is where I can listen from, high above the shoulds. It’s time to tune back in. I open the cosmic telephone line.

Every morning while I’m there, on my second cup of coffee (the first one is for journaling and meditating), I sit down to a very important meeting with my business and my spirit. Over the first few days, the shoulds start to untangle and melt away. Days into this ritual I hear it, what I really needed to know.

Spirit says clearly, “You were never meant to be a grief guide. You are a spiritual teacher.”

My breath stops and I start to cry. It’s not the sobbing of sad tears, it’s the sobbing of being seen so clearly by my spirit. It feels awe-some, truly awesome where the awe is asking for some more.

I’m a spiritual teacher! I smile through tears and I open my listening.

I breathe into my heart and I wait, and then Spirit shares,

“Yes, your journey was through grief and your heart. Your heart had to break so that you could go into the intense learning of how human hearts heal. That has taught you everything you need to know. You are ready to level up. You are not to share with only grieving hearts. Your work is with all hearts. You are a spiritual teacher.”

That day I skip to my yoga class and grin through the whole session as my should lessons deepen. My should had led me to share what I believed was the most useful, and the way that felt safe. My should was not bad, it was me trying to help, others and myself. My should was what I needed years ago, and it was time to let go, to discover a new story for me. My dream was inspiring a new narrative and it was time to listen deeply as spirit was set to begin telling the story.

It took weeks for the complete ‘should detox’ and for the themes and notes from spirit to begin to make sense. And, I waited. I did not rush ahead. I felt assured that now connected back to my cosmic line, all things were possible. 

When my new narrative and offer arrived it lapped up to me like a warm wave that invites you to dive in and swim. It was not the swamp of shoulds, it was clear and it felt good. It still feels good. And it continues to lap up to my shore. 

Spirit was right, they did have a good idea and a better way. We are now playing together and co-creating the next layer of the dream and it has everything to do with HEARTS and MAGIC!

In time it will be time to share. For now, I will continue to play and create, as Spirit has also told me, it’s okay to relax. My vision is clear and co-creation is in motion.

I am a spiritual teacher and soon spirit and I will have a new opportunity for you. The top shelf offer.

We cannot wait to share it with you.

Until then, please tell your shoulds to ‘sshhh’, and your spirit to begin singing. Our first lesson, a should will come from your head, and spirit will sing in your heart.

Always follow your heart! That’s the way to your top shelf. 


1 comment to " Spirit will Never SHOULD You. "

  • Sally Sierra Ratigan

    Hello Deb,

    These are all great stories. I especially resonated with “The Change You Don’t See Coming.” Thanks for sharing.

    I look forward to seeing you this Saturday. Have a safe trip to NYC.

    Big Love,


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